MPR #1 - Sampling Album Three

Also included: previews of an EP themed around my newest D&D character!

It might seem a little silly to make my second entry about my music after I outlined a few reservations about it in my introductory post, but I suppose I’ve always been somewhat contrary. Maybe it’s my sense of humor, or maybe it’s just the fact I haven’t really decided exactly I’m doing with this yet. I digress; let’s start my first ever regularly scheduled segment: welcome to the MPR!

…That stands for “Monthly Progress Report.” It just works for anything I’m focused on at any given moment of time, whether it’s music, video, programming, what have you!

…and is NOT to be confused with NPR, which refers to the USA’s National Public Radio.

An Overview of Album Three, Five Years In

After the release of “specters”, I became increasingly motivated to write an album that exclusively, if not near-exclusively, featured my own vocals. I was becoming detached from vocal synths, which I’ve prominently featured in my work since I began, and was becoming concerned that I would always be boxed in as a “VOCALOID Producer”. I didn’t want to feel forced to use these already iconic vocals and characters for a chance at being successful; more importantly, I like singing a lot. While I’m hardly the most skilled or best-sounding vocalist in the world, over time I’ve come to enjoy the qualities my voice has to offer. It just makes sense I’d want to use it.

It’s just, there’s one problem: if I release a song featuring a VOCALOID (or similar), more people give it a chance compared to the songs that don’t- and this includes within my own range of influence (as in, my YouTube subscriber count).

Don’t forget to ring the bell!

There have been notable exceptions to the pattern, but exceptions are exactly that, and I have very few spotlights in my overall discography. Some way or another, things have to change… but I haven’t actually solved that problem yet. It’s part of the reason why I’ve taken on so many hobbies, and have been looking for other work in the meantime.

For starters, it would help if I, y’know, released music.

I am now just about five years into the development of album three, and only a handful of songs have been finalized. Some are re-recordings of work released during and after the “specters” era, but most are brand new. The majority of the track list is in an unfinished state; of the handful that are “finalized”, some have been out for a while on Patreon, but will ultimately be refined before the album gets locked down. Almost every song, if not all of them, is about dealing with, overcoming, or succumbing to insecurity.

Here are four quick samples from “Let There Be An Ocean”.

Just Say You Love Me

“Just Say You Love Me” is largely electronic, frantic-feeling, and flips between clarity and chaos. The arrangement is mostly complete and the lyrics are mostly written; from this point forward I will be recording vocals and rewriting the parts I don’t love as much. This song’s lyrics largely address “the invisible audience”- a phenomena where we assume a stray laugh, groan, or remark from another person is directed towards ourselves, in disapproval. Wanting to take back something I said and replace the words, all for the sake of being understood or appreciated better by a stranger? Isn’t that a universal experience for all of us, at some point?

Especially on the internet?

Moving Forward (feat. EmpathP)

“Moving Forward” addresses a specific period of time, after a particular incident within the past two years left me waylaid with feelings of isolation, displacement, and confusion. It’s a relatively short and sweet song of reaffirmation in spite of this; that just because I feel isolated or displaced doesn’t mean I can’t begin anew. It also serves as a way for me to cope with the emotions that still linger, and I intend to share that aspect with my dear friend of many years, EmpathP, by arranging this as a duet. She and I both deserve apologies for what happened, apologies which we may never get. This song is a farewell to the worst of these remaining feelings, and a renewal for ourselves.

When it’s complete, I hope we can listen to it to remind ourselves that everything will be okay, even if we have to leave something behind.

Pendulament (feat. unit.0)

“Pendulament” is a portmanteau of “pendulum” and “lament”, referring to the back-and-forth cycle that depression can resemble. There are periods of great motivation bookended by periods of dysfunction, periods where sometimes the only thing you can do is cope with the feelings before they overwhelm you. Something I wanted to address in the bounds of the song is that, sometimes I convince myself that I deserve to feel like this, and that sometimes I don’t appreciate the advice of others when it comes to dealing with it… even if that advice is really helpful, or important, to take in.

It matters a lot to me that my friend, unit.0, recorded his guitar for the song. In one of my darkest moments, he gave me the advice I didn’t want to hear: to grow a goddamn spine and be proud of myself, for myself, for once. I’m still not sure if he understands how much I appreciate it, even though I didn’t at first.

Red Windows (“Blue Oceans” Mix)

“Red Windows” is the primary exception to earlier stated problem: Spotify’s algorithm took hold of it and fed it to a million listeners over the course of a year or two. It technically doesn’t need to be on this album- I just thought it would be a damn shame if my most popular, well-received song wasn’t there. That said, the original version of the song is currently under exclusive license to a Universal Music Group subsidiary, and so to be sure I could include “Red Windows” on album three, I had to whip up a brand new recording. Suddenly, I had a remix on my hands.

Even this song, with its themes of sexuality, still asks of its subject to give them the security that the passion is real, the moment is real, the blood, sweat, tears… all of it, real. I wanted to play with the weirdly psychedelic vibe that contrast creates, and add a splash of something vaguely summer-like, and what you hear is the result so far.

(A refined version of the original may also be included as a bonus track, but that’ll be up to the licensor.)

Silverwind - A D&D Character Theme EP

Late last year, I was invited to join a Dungeons and Dragons campaign with a fresh player character. It’s the first campaign I’ve played a part of in a while, with a brand new setting, new players to meet, and a fresh cast of warriors, wizards, and weirdos; all lovable in some way or another. My contribution to the player cast was introduced as a normal, if not seemingly-disgraced, Monk, then eventually revealed as a Blood Hunter: wandering mercenary Nikolas Silverwind.

A collage of concepts by my partner Rioichi Karihazi, plus an edited export from Jon’s Picrew (18+ warning on Jon’s page).

Hailing from another land, Nikolas ventured into the campaign’s desert setting 5-6 years prior after a certain incident. His skin has tanned incompletely over his time in the desert, and his otherwise strong-looking body is marked by various, oddly discolored scars- as though they haven’t healed properly. His most prominent features are his odd eyes: left blue, right gold; his ornate, sunset-hued sleeveless gi; and the dark gray bandages wrapped around his forearms and lower legs, the latter case coiling around his shoes. In combat, he wields a scimitar or short sword, weaving punches, kicks, and blood magic into the mix.

As explored by the campaign so far, he has a specific set of pain points:

• He exudes a fairly prominent psychic aura, subconsciously slipping glimpses of his darkest memories into the minds of others- especially strangers, who are either frightened by or compelled to assist him before the sensation fades with familiarity.

• He holds little faith in the concept of “paradise”, causing him to question the very nature of the seemingly-idyllic commune the party uses as a camp- but also putting him at odds with the royal kingdom the commune resists.

• He doesn’t believe in, or trust, higher powers and deities, doubting their intentions for the world and its people.

• He possesses some sort of dark power, which a congregation of monks seeks to control for their own purposes; it has been implied that Nikolas was more closely integrated within the group at some point, though the depth of this connection hasn’t been entirely revealed yet.

• Despite his relatively confident, stoic demeanor, when dealing with matters of his past Nikolas’s composure falters, occasionally losing his sense of reason.

Nikolas’s backstory was originally written and pitched to my DM as a cult-horror narrative laced with short-and-long-term secrets, and has evolved through collaboration into something that I think is interesting to the other players, and fun to challenge in the roleplaying stage. However, the inherent secrecy has created a specific problem: I can only really yap about Nikolas in non-canon contexts, lest I spoil surprises for my party. Unrelated, another problem: while I have been practicing more recently, my illustration skills aren’t quite up to snuff to draw a complete piece of him myself.

This edgy heartthrob will have to wait a bit longer for his photoshoot.

Many other D&D players use art as their conduit for showcasing their character, both in and out of canon. Silverwind (working title) is my means of presenting Nikolas to my table and my community… and anyone interested in yapping about original characters! With everything introduced, how about four more samples?

Shadows Against the Wall

Sonically inspired by the work of AVTechNO, “Shadows Against the Wall” serves as Nikolas’s main theme, outlining much of his backstory and perspective with various obfuscations. My goal with most of these songs was to resemble that of many anime openings: the lyrics (or animation) often spoil details of the plot without their context. As the first song of the EP, and the first I wrote, it was important to get the vibe right; additionally, as the main theme, its melody is reused, edited, and embellished as a leitmotif in the other songs.

One of my Patreon supporters had the following to say about the lyrics (and it made me very happy):

“I think it describes the battle between [the good] and evil in Nicholas’s (sic) heart. Even though the shadows of the past have made him ferocious, he still has a sentimental side.”

Under Control

“Under Control” is Nikolas’s “Theme of Conflict” as I call it. Not only does it sound like my version of “the music that would play in an action RPG boss fight”, it describes the precarious balance of light and dark he walks along, and the secrets that may consume him- and his party- if they aren’t careful. It also hints at his desire to forge connections with others, to let his guard down just enough- as he does so, knowing that he may ultimately regret it later.

Ever-Empty Promises

This dark, electronic pop track is Nikolas’s “Theme of Sorrow”, and it explores a potential aftermath scenario and the wounds it’s left him and his party. It almost sounds as though he’s trying to console someone else; perhaps they are upset with him for his actions, or inaction? Perhaps he’s talking very generally to his friends comrades, trying to find a rose petal in a stack of thorns.

Overall, it feels as though something has been lost… so how do we find it again?

For Sympathy

Speaking of sympathy… while I haven’t recorded any of the vocals for this song just yet, “For Sympathy” is Nikolas’s “Theme of Connection”, speaking about some of his past in shorthand while struggling with and eventually lowering his emotional barriers. This is in contradiction to the wariness established in “Under Control”, and is particularly vulnerable, even intimate, in tone.

I have ideas for one or two more songs, so please keep a lookout for more information and new samples in a future MPR!

Other News and Final Thoughts

Early last week, my Dad made a request that I release my Father’s Day 2021 self-cover of “sleepless”, in collaboration with my twin sister, Emma, as a duet to my Bandcamp and other distribution services. If you’d like to grab that, you can get it as a free download (pay-what-you-want) on Bandcamp (below), and for $1 on most other storefronts. Streaming services are also slowly bringing it online, too!

This newsletter wound up being fairly lengthy, and probably a little bit messy. Is the length okay? Probably, but I’d love to hear your opinions in the comments. Whether it’s thoughts about Let There Be An Ocean, Nikolas, his EP, the songs contained in the above, or perhaps you have opinions about the writing or format, please do let me know what you think.

As I still intend for this Substack to be a free read, anyone interested in supporting my writing financially can become a patron or send a tip! And if you’re reading this for the first time, wondering what this is all about- hi! My name is Lupin, known on the internet by the handles “LupinNSA” and “nostraightanswer”. I write music and have a wide variety of interests, and this Substack is here so I can yap about those at length to anyone willing to read. If you found this particular read interesting to you, I’d suggest you subscribe down below to get this feed straight to your email inbox.

Next time, I’ll probably have some opinions about a game. Perhaps a review? Who knows! Whatever form it takes, I’ll see you all next post. :)

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PS: If you use the code “oops” (minus quotes), you can get 30% off anything on my Bandcamp page, including physical copies of my album “specters” or my entire digital discography, until May 1, 2025.